Courtney LeBlanc is the author of Beautiful & Full of Monsters (forthcoming from Vegetarian Alcoholic Press), chapbooks All in the Family (Bottlecap Press) and The Violence Within (Flutter Press), and a Pushcart Prize nominee. She has her MBA from University of Baltimore and her MFA from Queens University of Charlotte. She loves nail polish, wine, and tattoos. Read her publications on her blog: www.wordperv.com. Follow her on twitter: @wordperv, and IG: @wordperv79.
Ingredients litter the counter as my mother
bakes. I ask what she’s making
and she turns to me, shows me the bowl:
it’s filled with fingers and toes, all roughly
hacked off. I notice her hands, bloody
stumps where her digits once were.
I wake screaming.
His fingers and tongue are deep inside,
grinding into the wet of me. My hands
hold his head, my fingers clutching his
hair. I pull him up to my mouth, taste
myself. I wake, my body pulsing. I reach
down and make myself moan.
My father’s eyes are sewn shut, his body
still in the gleaming casket. I sit in the front
row, eyes swollen. My father sits up, his
unseeing eyes searching. He turns in my
direction, buries his hands into his own
abdomen and pull out his kidney, gray
and cyst-filled. He says nothing, his mouth
sewn shut but I don’t need his words. I wake
up, my healthy kidneys aching inside me.
I hear the crack – thunder? A car backing
up? The room has no windows and the doors
have disappeared, absorbed into the walls.
A gunman appears, walking through
the wall, an unholy apparition. I open
my mouth just as he lifts the gun, pulls
the trigger. My heart screams in my chest
when I wake.
I’m lying in a field of flowers – they’re just
blurs of color and petal, the scent mimics
the vanilla perfume I bought in Paris,
the sweet muskiness I dabbed on my wrists,
behind my ears. when I wake the scent lingers.